How to Survive the Holidays with Family

So many people look forward to the holiday season… and so many people struggle this time of the year. Why such a vast difference? Well, family dynamics can be complicated. Many people feel pressure to spend time with their families during this time of year. No matter which holiday you celebrate or you don’t celebrate the holidays at all, here are some tips to get you through the next few months.

Know what you can control.

You cannot control your sister discussing how easy it was for her to get pregnant while you and your partner have been trying for years. You cannot control your uncle overindulging in alcohol to the point where he becomes obnoxious and belligerent.

You can control your response.

Set a self-affirming script reminding yourself that everyone is different and family planning is complex. You are not required to engage with your uncle when he is drunk. It is okay to leave the family event and have a discussion with the hosts and your uncle at a later time regarding what you are willing to tolerate around drinking at the next family gathering.

Set boundaries and communicate them clearly.

Your mother consistently makes comments about your outfits during family dinners. Your father constantly attempts to cross a time boundary you have set by trying to make you feel guilty for leaving an event early.

Setting boundaries with your parents may look like “I do not need or want feedback from you on my outfit selection” and “I hear you want me to stay until 8pm and I am still going to leave at 6:30pm.” Be direct and assertive when expressing your boundaries to friends and family.

Be mindful of your expectations and plan to do some holiday things that you typically enjoy.

As children we are mostly at the whim of our primary caretakers. If there is a rule you must stay at the table until every piece of food from your plate has been consumed, chances are you have to abide. You gain freedom in adulthood. It is hard to push back on family dynamics and rules that have existed throughout your childhood, and you no longer have to follow expectations of your parents or caretakers.

If you do not enjoy watching football, plan to go for a walk in nature instead. Go to a holiday bazaar, a light ceremony, or any other activity that may bring you joy during this time of year.

Takeaway

It’s easy to forget to take care of yourself during the holidays, but it’s important to remember you. Use these tips to take care of yourself. The holiday season can be stressful but there are ways to care for yourself, set boundaries, and slow down during this time of year.